You've Come Along Way, Baby

This is the 3rd Chapter of the book, Voices of the True Woman Movement by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. You can read Chapter 1 here and Chapter 2 here.

'You've come along way, Baby' is by Mary A. Kassian. She does a very good job at giving a history lesson in this chapter. I love History, so found it very interesting. But not sure I'll cover much of that aspect of it.

It depicts the Woman's Movement of the late 60's and 70's. All of the promises and hopes that many are realizing are not bringing the satisfaction and fulfillment that is was said to bring.

50 years ago life was almost totally different. Here's a partial-abbreviated list of 'Real Life Observations from the 50's'.

• Getting married was the norm.
• Once married the couple would have children, the husband would work to support the wife so she could stay at home with the children.
• The divorce rate was low. Couples were expected to remain married and make their marriage work. Divorce was considered a tragedy.
• If divorce did occur & there were kids involved, the ex-husband was expected to support the wife in a homemaking role, because society considered it vitally important that the children have a mom at home.
• Chasity, virginity, and fidelity were virtues. And sex outside of marriage was shameful.
• Having a child out of wedlock was considered shameful. Now 1 child is born outside of wedlock every 25 seconds.
• Only 30% of women were employed outside of the home. And then it was only a part time job.
• Children were a highly desired, a highly valued, and a highly welcomed addition to both family and community.
• No birth control pill.
• Abortion was illegal.
• Men saw it as their responsibility to protect and provide for the women and children under their care.
• Woman saw it as their responsibility to support their husbands and focus on raising their children in a stable, nurturing, loving environment. Their professional careers took secondary status to their primary and more important career of raising and nurturing the next generation.

Our world has changed a lot since then, has it not?!?!?!? And it's all because women are seeking 'liberation'. They thought they were no longer finding fulfillment in God's Original Plan for Order.

'So in a few short decades the idea of a happy fulfilled woman has gone from one who values and serves her children, her husband and her community, to one who serves and exalts herself, sees men as dispensable, and considers children to be optional add-ons to her quest for fulfillment.'

And here she begins her 'history lesson'. How women were made to think they needed to become equal with men, they didn't want to be serving them anymore. They were made to feel their God-given role of wife and homemaker no longer was satisfying.

Women were made to think they needed to define their own existence.

Women were 'made to think that as a whole they needed enlightenment. They needed to discover how really oppressed they were'.

As women's 'eye's were opened', they began to rename the world. They 'needed to challenge and change that which men had constructed for their own benefits'. They 'needed to look at the world through the lenses of female experience and come up with new values and definitions'. Even school curricula was rewritten to reflect a feminist world view.

They even renamed God to a 'She'. They didn't like to think of the male role as being the dominate one.

'The underlying premise of feminism is that 'women need and can trust no other authority then our own personal truth.' Feminism teaches that women ought not to bow down and submit to any external power.'

It's is so sad that our world has come to just accept this as the norm, when the Bible states things so clearly in the opposite light.

1 Corinthians 11 states that, 'Man did not come from woman, but the woman from man; neither was man created for the woman but the woman for man'. How much clearer can it get?? The two sexes are different and were created for different roles.

However!! We will not find the true, deep satisfaction of the heart just by being a wife/homemaker. Our deepest longings and satisfactions will come only when we have yielded our lives completely and totally to Christ!! He is the only one who will be able to fill the void in our lives.

'A woman is a true woman when her heart says yes to God!!'

Today's women are searching for answers, they want to know how to make life work. We need a Biblical understanding of manhood, womanhood and gender relationships.

My Will or God's??

When I meet a new person the following conversation is what often follows the 'Hello, my name is_____'

"So how many children do you have??"

"I have 3 little boys."

"3 (pause/gasp for air) BOYS?!?!? Wow, you have your hands full!!'

"Yes, I do, but I'm loving it. We have our trying days, but I love my little boys!!"

"So, (twinkle in the eyes) do you plan to try for a girl?? Or are you done having children??"

When I was first asked that question, I nearly fell over backward. Since when do we try for a certain gender?? Now I've almost come to expect that question to come at some point in our conversation. And I've come up with an answer that I answer almost every time.

"We'd love to have more children. And we'd love to welcome a girl. But that sure doesn't mean I love my boys any less, just because I don't have a girl now."

"Oh."

It's almost like they think my life is not complete with out a little girl. It's like I don't find satisfaction without dresses and frills, lace and dolls, tea parties and pink. And that is so not true!!! Sure, I'd love to have a little girl, and sometimes the desire for the pink and lace is strong, but above all, I have a peace that God has planned my life. He has given me these little boys for a reason.

We have tractors and trucks and more toy animals then you could count (mostly cows). There's mud and sand tracked into my kitchen daily. There are bugs to be found and ants to squish. Puppy's to chase and calves to be fed. There are fights and wrestlings at an hourly rate. Food eaten every time they go through the kitchen (it seems like). Things are torn apart and haphazardly put back together... would I change my life??? Absolutely NOT!!! We are living an adventure-one hour at a time!!!

Do I question what God's plan is?? No!!! Oh, there are days I wonder how I will ever get through it. I wonder how I will put up with ONE more fight. I wonder if their stomaches will ever be filled for more then 1/2 an hour. And I wonder if my kitchen floor will ever stay clean for a few minutes!!!

Would having girls be much different?? Probably not. They would still have their fights, maybe not over tractors and cows, but dolls and purses and such. They would still get dirty and bring in the dirt, they would still eat lots of food. The list goes on... I watch those with girls and all the emotions they have and am thankful for my boys. Although I do compare Collin to a girl... (don't tell him that.) He has had many emotions to deal with and is so much better then he had been. You can read more about that journey here.

God's plan is perfect... who am I to question that?? Even when I have to suffer through 90% of my pregnancy. When I am scared the first 3-4 months of my pregnancy, wondering if God will call this child home, as He has 3 others. It makes me very thankful for my healthy babies. It makes me trust God in ways I would never have before. 

Would I want to experience the pain again?? No!! But my life has been made richer for it!! I can relate and encourage others in a way that many can't. Loosing a baby, even though they were only 12 wks gestation or younger, is not an easy thing to go through. Even though you may have barely gotten to know that baby, they were part of your dreams and plans. And through that pain my husband I were drawn together in a way we would never have been otherwise. (Some day I will blog about our story.)

So we carefully seek God's will and plan. He is ultimately in control. And we wonder what our future holds. But we know Who holds the future, and we trust His will for us and for my body.

(As a side note, my muscles have a very hard time supporting a baby. And with each pregnancy it has gotten worse. I live in pain most everyday from 3 months on. So we will accept each baby as a gift, when we feel God tells us it's time for another little blessing. For now my body is on break.)

Until then I will be the best Mom I can be to the 3 little boys God has blessed us with. And they will never once think that I wished one of them was a girl!!

PS. It's Collin's prayer, that God would bless him with not just one but two sisters. Twins!! He has his heart set on it, but I keep telling him it would take a miracle. One I would love, but only God can preform!!

Reflections of Me

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God has blessed me with 3 little boys!! Little ones He has given me to raise, to guide. I have 'Hearts to Nurture', to train and teach. God has given me a responsibility in these souls He has placed in my hands for a few short years.

Why then is it, that I feel like I am the one being taught?? Why do I feel like I am the one in the 'School of Hard Knocks', so many days?? How is it that they are teaching me???

When I ask them to do a job, why do they so often grumble and complain?? Do I grumble that much?? (I know it is partly a childish, sin nature.) When I hear their bad attitudes, their fights and squabbles, when I see them hurting each other, in listening to the tones of their voices... I realize they are picking up things from ME!! They are a reflection of WHO I am!!

I know parents who are soft spoken, slow to respond, and just calm in nature. Their children, more often then not, are the same way. But those who respond quickly and with sharpness, will have children who respond the same way. And when you multiply that by 2, 4 or 6, what does your house sound like?? I know for myself, just having 2 in the talking stage and 1 in the squealing 'until-I-get-what-I-want' stage, it doesn't take long and the house can sound a very unpleasant discord!!

My desire is to teach my children to be loving and kind, soft spoken and slow to anger. But for some reason, it seems they are teaching me more then I am teaching them. So I guess we will learn together!! Oh, that I can be a Reflection of God to my children.

Preparing for Sunday

How are you on a Sunday Morning?? I don't mean physically, I mean mentally. When you get to Church are you ready to meet with and worship your Saviour??Are you relaxed and rested in your soul and spirit? Are you all ready to be refreshed and refilled for another week. Or are you one of those who have rushed around all morning, and when you get to your bench at church, do you plop down with a heavy sigh?? One that lets you finally relax and begin thinking of the reason you came to church in the first place, to Worship the ONE who has seen you through your full, busy week.

Preparing for a Sunday Morning Church Service begins on Saturday. And it starts with a plan, such as doing things ahead so that Sunday Morning you can be relaxed.

Have you ever noticed that when you, as the Mom, are feeling frazzled, it gets passed to your children. Many times when we get to church and I begin to relax, I realize my boys are uptight. And they tend to misbehave and have a hard time sitting still because Mom has 'Wound them up'.

This is an area I am working on, so here is a list of my idea's that have helped me to be more relaxed and still be 'On Time', on a Sunday Morning.

Saturday

-Prepare your Sunday noon meal on Sat. Or at least have most of it done, before Sunday Morning. I try to do my cooking Sat. A.M. but you do whatever works for you. I like simple things like a casserole. Baked potatoes are another common thing, along with a simple meat. My husband is also a great one for saying, 'Just make Tomato Soup and toasted cheese sandwiches'. Especially after a particularly full and busy Saturday.

-Prepare/Plan your Sunday Morning Breakfast. This seems like such a simple thing, and yet, it can be time consuming if not prepared for. We pretty much always have Homemade Granola with Yogurt and Strawberries. It's super simple and yet filling.

-Bathe on Saturday evening. There is nothing like snuggling and cuddling with 3 squeaky clean little boys, with their damp hair and sweet smelling skin. I also like to trim finger and toe nails if needed, because they are free of foreign particles from the outdoors.

-Lay out my boy's clothes and any other clothes you may need, if you plan to be gone for lunch or the day. And pick out my own clothes. I don't know how much time I have wasted, waiting til the last minute to decide what to wear... and then something doesn't match right and I have to start over...

-Pack your diaper bag. Extra diapers, clothes, quiet toys for Church, simple snack... etc. etc.

-Do a last minute 'House Clean Up', before tucking boys in bed.

-Put boys to bed  on time, if not a tad earlier then normal.

-Have everything you need to take with you, set out and ready to be picked up and walked out the door. I have found this works great, my Hubby knows what needs to go, by the pile in the 'normal spot'. (Often the table, but I'm working on getting it moved to the dryer.)

-Go to bed early myself.

-And take time to prepare your heart for worship, be it Saturday evening or Sunday Morning.

Sunday Morning

- I like to rise early enough to be up and ready-showered and hair combed, before my 'littles' wake up. (Still an area I am working on, they like to get up the same time I do.)

-Get the boys up early enough so they have plenty of time to eat and get dressed, without me needing to push them, making you and them uptight. (Most times I don't need to worry about this. They get up too early.)

-Put my lunch in the oven on -Time Bake-.

-Eat and have the kitchen cleaned up by 8.

-Get myself and my boys ready to leave. We like to be heading out the door soon after 9.

If I can follow these guidelines-as a general rule-I find my Sundays a lot more relaxed. Even if I get most of the list done, on Saturday, it sure goes a long way in helping.

 

If I can be relaxed, my little ones are relaxed. And when we walk into church, there is a sense of calmness and a readiness for Worship and a refreshing of spirit.

God Gave To Me A Child

God gave to me a child – and then I knew

The precious gift of life, the beating heart,

The little hand that clings in childish trust,

The shining eyes that are so much a part

Of every moment in a parent’s day;

A language that no words could ever say.

God gave to me a child – and then I knew

The joy of love fulfilled, the quiet peace

Of home and fireside where, with strife denied,

The heart can calmly rest in love’s release,

Can gain strength in knowing angels stand

Around little ones with guarding hand.

God gave to me a child – and then I knew

The parenthood of God, the eternal care

Of He who keeps the night watch and never sleeps

Who, when His children need Him, is always there.

I sought His kingdom for so long a while,

And then I found it in my little baby’s smile.

 ~James B. Singleton ~

 

Happy Mother's Day to all you Mom's out there!!! What an awesome calling we have in life!! As I fill the role God has placed me in, I admire my own Mother more and more. She has qualities in life that I hope will grow in mine. I hope my own sons will look back one day and see that, though I am not perfect, I loved them. I had their hearts in mind, I had goals for them to reach, I had time for them, I listened to all their stories, I cared deeply for them, I tried to understand what goes on in their minds, That I am pointing their hearts to God... Oh, I could go on... My heart is full of love for my boys. As I watch them grow so fast, I realize I don't have much time to mold their tender hearts. Time is short. Am I doing all that I can be, should be?? Will they be able to look back and say those things, I as a Mother, dream of hearing one day?? I pray for strength in this journey of Motherhood, that only God can give me. Only He can see me through those rough days, only He can give me wisdom. And for that I am so Thankful!!!

 

He has given me a wonderful life!! No, it's not perfect. But it is filled with the people who are helping me, shaping me, and guiding me. And one of them is my own Mother!! She means the world to me. And I am so glad to have her as a very close Friend. Mom, I love you!!!

Raising Boys

I scrub the wall of fingerprints,
Pick up the mounds of clothes.
I sweep the dirt that shoes track in-
Wish I could use a hose!

Meals are served from dawn to dark,
Dirty dishes crowd the sink.
Just when they're washed and put away-
Everyone wants a drink!

The washer pulls the dirty grime
From pants worn thin and patched.
They look so very neat and clean-
Yuck, look what the pockets hatched!

Broken bones and bloody knees,
I should have been a nurse.
I take it all in shaky stride-
Just grateful it's not worse!

Screams and shouts and arguments
Test the keeping of my cool.
They left the neighbor's faucet on-
See their new front yard pool!

A soothing bath is ecstasy,
A reward at the end of my rope.
Raising boys isn't really bad-
But first I must wash the soap!

A rose can say I Love You,
Orchids can enthrall;
But a weed bouquet in a chubby fist,
Oh my, that says it all!

(Roberta I. Teague)

"Nurture the Heart"

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Nurture the Heart

He came to my side with a question--

And in the clear, blue eyes I read

A message of far greater substance

Then the mere words that he said.

"Can I have a story?" he queried,

And deep in my spirit, I knew

That my son was asking for my time

My person--and for my heart too!

I laid down the sock I was mending,

And drew the lad into my arms.

"I like storytime!" his voice ventured,

"It makes me feel cozy and warm!"

And in the warm glow of that moment,

Forgetting the things to be done,

I shared all the love of my spirit

And nurtured the heart of my son!

-Edith S. Witmer

I read that poem last evening and little did I know how the next day would go... It started as any other... I'm busy!!! I've got lots to do... things calling my attention from every direction. How can my little boys be so 'clutzy'?? I need to have the Apple Crisp's (6 pans) done today!! I have 10lbs of Meat Balls to make... How can my boys think they need my attention?? First one purposely accidentally dumps his orange juice. Then other sees how much attention he got from Mom, so he purposely accidentally spills his. "I just want Mom to slow down and see that we are here. Not some little kids who need to be 'slopped' fed , cleaned up, and sent out to play."

But Mom hurries on her way, wishing they would be more careful. And that they would go play for hours on end, so that she could get her own work done!! Can't they see she has a headache too?? As her morning progresses, those little boys get naughtier and naughtier... and ALL they need is some one on one time with Mom!!!

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I need to nurture those little hearts!! I need to show them love, show them Jesus, even on the full and busy days. I need to show them care and understanding... I need to show them they are the most important thing in my life. I need to be their example, even on the busy days!!!

As I read that poem last evening, and I couldn't help but feel touched!!! Yes, I love story time with my boys. I love teaching them and seeing their minds comprehend things. I love being able to teach them, by example and by lessons learned in my own life. And it seems I have learnt another lesson in life!! And I just wrote about time...

I love my boys and love learning with them!! (Do I really love the learning part?? I think I can say I do! Even though it doesn't always feel good, I am so glad God still corrects and chastens me!!)

Linked to Things I Love Thursdays.

Signs of Motherhood

My boys and I

• A beautiful bouquet of weeds perches on your window sill.
• Your service for sixteen contains seven plates and 11 bowls.
• Someone asks your age, and your mind blanks. But you can recall to the minute when each child was born.
• After sharing your drinking glass, it resembles a miniture aquarium.
• Your dress sleeve doubles as a kleenex box.
• Eating out is a hot dog roast.
• You don't want a dishwasher-you already have five!
• Your dryer seems to be a Bermuda Triange for socks.
• You risk waking your sleeping baby just to kiss her soft little cheek.
• The display on your coffee table may include a dead mouse.
• "Can a moth burb?" is the sort of mind-stumping question you face daily.
• You know how to sanitize a pacifier with out turning on the faucet.
• After washing the kitchen floor, you keep returning just to admire it.
• Your diaper bag is your purse.
• You love the smell of your baby's neck.
• Smudgy handprints on the window sill are a form of art for your guests to enjoy.
• Being gone for a few hours makes you homesick.
• There are never enough Band-aids in the cupboard.
• Mooing like a cow facilitates the opening of little mouths at mealtime.
• You wonder why it took so long to comb your hair when you were a teenager.
• You're the only overheated person when the family sits down to Sunday dinner.
• After the children are sleeping, you return to their bedsides to kiss a soft cheek or stroke back some curls, and silently thank the Lord for making you the richest woman alive.

Dianna Overholt

Harmony in the Home

Did you know that , as a wife and mother, you set the mood in your home?? You know the old saying "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy", it is so true!!! And so obviously the opposite is true as well!! If you are happy & cheerful all day, your homes atmosphere will be one of peace. If you don't get upset at your children, they are happier for it. They know Mom, isn't going to 'loose her top', just because 'I talked too loud', or 'accidentally spilled something', or seem to 'talk all the time', or do something else childish. And so the child is more relaxed and good natured. They don't fight and argue with their siblings so easily, and they aren't so whinny.

Why is it, that we as Mom's, think the world revolves around us?? It really does!! Much more then we even realize, and yet, we don't realize the full extent of the far reaching effects we have on our little worlds called HOME!! Many times, when my own day seems to be going all 'hay-wire', I trace it back to why I feel the way I do. And many times it's because I went to bed too late, thus either got up tired, or overslept. And you know how that makes you feel-snappish!! Short tempered!! Short fused… and generally out of sorts. And you know who it gets taken out on??? The ones closest to you-Your Hubby and Kids!! So you snap at them, soon they are snapping at you and the rest of the day takes a downward spiral. Unless you get a handle on it, by changing your own attitude, then those around you can change theirs too.

How often does your husband come home to a tense home?? Many times I can 'hold myself together', til my hubby walks in the door and then I lose it. Especially if the boys have been buggy all day, not having enough to do, or whatever the case maybe. Actually many times, it's when I am trying to make supper and they are hungry, so are in the kitchen 'trying to help me', whinny, ect. So 'til my man walks in the door, I am ready to turn them all over to him and go have some 'alone time'. And it is amazing how fast my attitude will have an effect on my hubby. I expect him to 'help me' out, when all he wants is to sit down and rest at the end of a long day on his own feet. If I'm being silent (my form of letting him know all's not well with me. And not right I know-I'm working on that one!!), he soon is snappy at the kids too. And it's not really even the kids fault!!! After all-it was Mom who went to bed late and got up late.

Do you treat your husband with respect?? Did you know that respect is something husbands-men, in general desire more then even love?? And we, as wives-women, desire love. A good book to read is 'Love and Respect' by Dr. Emmerson Eggerich. Do you do your daily household chores with a glad and thankful heart for all he does for you?? Does he know you appreciate all he does for you and your children?? Do you tell him?? You can be thankful for a man, who comes home to you each evening. And if you want him to continue that, then make your home a place he wants to come home to every night!! Do you have a meal ready for him?? His clothes washed?? His favorite chair ready for him, with the paper beside it?? Do you have your home tidied up, the basics of toys and messes cleaned up?? I'm not talking about having everything in a "Companies Coming" state, but just a neat and orderly look to it. It looks much more Welcoming to walk in the door to a neat abode. (Just think of the times you walk into homes that pretty much look trashed.) You can make it a project to do with the children 15 min. before Dad comes home, to do a quick pick-up of toys, ect. Doing that will also teach and show your children you love and respect him, thus instilling the same principle in them!!

Take this article for example-while it was claimed to be in a 1950's textbook-that has not been proven.

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dust cloth over the tables.

During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

Be happy to see him.

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

A good wife always knows her place.
Some of these things may seem a bit wild and far out... but God has called us to be Keepers At Home!! And just so you know, I don't practice all these things for my husband. But I do try to be sensitive to his needs when he firsts come in, which is kinda hard, with living on a farm he is in and out of the house all day. We are to be Proverbs 31 women/wives. I am still working on so many of these areas of life!! I am not perfect by any sense of the word!! But by God's grace I am learning and growing.

For more resources read "Created To Be His Helpmeet" by Debi Pearl and "Fascinating Womanhood" by Helen Andelin.