My Will or God's??

When I meet a new person the following conversation is what often follows the 'Hello, my name is_____'

"So how many children do you have??"

"I have 3 little boys."

"3 (pause/gasp for air) BOYS?!?!? Wow, you have your hands full!!'

"Yes, I do, but I'm loving it. We have our trying days, but I love my little boys!!"

"So, (twinkle in the eyes) do you plan to try for a girl?? Or are you done having children??"

When I was first asked that question, I nearly fell over backward. Since when do we try for a certain gender?? Now I've almost come to expect that question to come at some point in our conversation. And I've come up with an answer that I answer almost every time.

"We'd love to have more children. And we'd love to welcome a girl. But that sure doesn't mean I love my boys any less, just because I don't have a girl now."

"Oh."

It's almost like they think my life is not complete with out a little girl. It's like I don't find satisfaction without dresses and frills, lace and dolls, tea parties and pink. And that is so not true!!! Sure, I'd love to have a little girl, and sometimes the desire for the pink and lace is strong, but above all, I have a peace that God has planned my life. He has given me these little boys for a reason.

We have tractors and trucks and more toy animals then you could count (mostly cows). There's mud and sand tracked into my kitchen daily. There are bugs to be found and ants to squish. Puppy's to chase and calves to be fed. There are fights and wrestlings at an hourly rate. Food eaten every time they go through the kitchen (it seems like). Things are torn apart and haphazardly put back together... would I change my life??? Absolutely NOT!!! We are living an adventure-one hour at a time!!!

Do I question what God's plan is?? No!!! Oh, there are days I wonder how I will ever get through it. I wonder how I will put up with ONE more fight. I wonder if their stomaches will ever be filled for more then 1/2 an hour. And I wonder if my kitchen floor will ever stay clean for a few minutes!!!

Would having girls be much different?? Probably not. They would still have their fights, maybe not over tractors and cows, but dolls and purses and such. They would still get dirty and bring in the dirt, they would still eat lots of food. The list goes on... I watch those with girls and all the emotions they have and am thankful for my boys. Although I do compare Collin to a girl... (don't tell him that.) He has had many emotions to deal with and is so much better then he had been. You can read more about that journey here.

God's plan is perfect... who am I to question that?? Even when I have to suffer through 90% of my pregnancy. When I am scared the first 3-4 months of my pregnancy, wondering if God will call this child home, as He has 3 others. It makes me very thankful for my healthy babies. It makes me trust God in ways I would never have before. 

Would I want to experience the pain again?? No!! But my life has been made richer for it!! I can relate and encourage others in a way that many can't. Loosing a baby, even though they were only 12 wks gestation or younger, is not an easy thing to go through. Even though you may have barely gotten to know that baby, they were part of your dreams and plans. And through that pain my husband I were drawn together in a way we would never have been otherwise. (Some day I will blog about our story.)

So we carefully seek God's will and plan. He is ultimately in control. And we wonder what our future holds. But we know Who holds the future, and we trust His will for us and for my body.

(As a side note, my muscles have a very hard time supporting a baby. And with each pregnancy it has gotten worse. I live in pain most everyday from 3 months on. So we will accept each baby as a gift, when we feel God tells us it's time for another little blessing. For now my body is on break.)

Until then I will be the best Mom I can be to the 3 little boys God has blessed us with. And they will never once think that I wished one of them was a girl!!

PS. It's Collin's prayer, that God would bless him with not just one but two sisters. Twins!! He has his heart set on it, but I keep telling him it would take a miracle. One I would love, but only God can preform!!