Be STILL...

Photo Credit-My own!

God has been doing a great work in my heart... I don't even know how to share it, and I wonder if I really do want to. I mean, this is the World Wide Web, and who knows who is out there that may read my ramblings!!! My only prayer is that it will bless and encourage others who may read it. Anyway-back to what I started with...

God!!! Many of us are scared of that word and what all it implies... or maybe I should say, we fear giving all of ourselves to Him!! We fear what He may ask of us, should we totally and completely turn our life over to His control. We fear where He may take us, should we hand over the reigns of our life. We fear the hurts we may suffer, for His name and in His name. We fear what others may think of us. We fear the failures we will face. And the list could go on and on...

I've been there. And many times still do fear!!! But like I said God has been working in my heart, drawing Himself closer and closer to me. Or maybe it's me allowing God to get closer to me. I'm letting Him into those deep dark corners of my heart, where those secrets are that no one knows about.

For me I've 'lived a good life'. I'm one of those girls who rarely got in trouble. I seeked to please my parents, and not do anything that would displease them. (That's not to say though that I never did anything wrong!!! Or didn't do something I knew I shouldn't!) But God lately has been showing me the areas of my heart that still have not been given completely to HIM!!! Areas of Contentment, Total Thankfulness, Peace that Passeth Understanding, Submission to my Husband... those little areas that others may not notice, the areas that are easy to hide from others.

Sure I'm 'content'-I have a lovely home, 3 handsome boys, very loving and wonderful Husband, I have enough money to live comfortably, I have a Mom and 2 sisters just down the road and a Mother-in-'love' and 2 sisters-in-law kity-corner to me, I have a nice vehicle to drive...ect, ect... But how many times do I find myself grumbling... if I would have just grown up in a different home, I would not have some of the struggles that I do in life. If my Dad would have treated me differently, I would have a better view of God. If my son would not be so strong willed, it would be so much easier to train him. Am I content with 'Who' I am?? Many times I wish I was more like, so n so. I am discontent with my physical features. Do I realize I am 'slapping God' by not loving who He made?!?!?!?! I am discrediting the artist!! I am realizing contentment goes way beyond the literal meaning-it is a heart issue!!!

Thankfulness-yes, I'm Thankful for ALL that I have, but how often do I wish I had 'a little more'. Am I thankful that I can get up each morning?? Am I thankful for that glass of water?? And how much food do I have stored up?? I looked at this post yesterday and felt jealous of her awesome well stocked pantry!!! Why?? I have a pantry half that size and money to keep it in stock, even though it may never be as large as hers is. Am I thankful for my family even on trying days?? Or are there days I wish they would just leave??

Peace--wow!!! What a word!!! What comes to mind when you think of that word-P.E.A.C.E.? I invision a setting at a cabin with a lake just outside the door and it is totally calm, no ripples on the water-all is peacefull!!! You can hear an occasional bird twitter in the trees somewhere above you. And way off in the distance the mountains rise majestically!!! Is it that way in my life?? All to many times not!! I'm like a duck on that lake-not making a ripple on the water-just floating along 'Peacefully'. But what you can't see is that underneath, I'm paddling like mad!! I am worked up about a decision that he has made, but try to show him I don't care. I get upset about little things-a child spilling OJ. And it doesn't take much to ruin the peace and harmony of the home.

I feel like God is showing me so many things... and I wanna just jump in with both feet. BUT at the same time I am scared silly. Yes, I fear where He may lead me, fear what all He may ask me to do, and fear the pain I may have to go through just to reach that deep 'peace that passeth understanding'!! But oh, I know it will be so worth it... So many times I wish I could just attain all that He is asking of me. But I do know then that I would not have had the experience of going through troubled waters, holding tightly to God's hands, and KNOWING He WILL carry me through. I will not have had experienced the faith it takes to 'Let go and let God'!!

I want to just sit and be STILL and KNOW God!!! I want to carve out time in my day JUST FOR HIM!!! So often I feel like I don't have time for Him. But how often do I make time to check my email, my facebook, read a blog here or there?? And I can't MAKE time for God?!?!?! It is hard for me to admit this... but my time online many times takes priority of the things that should be priority in my life!!! Even though I maybe be reading inspirational blogs, I am not making my time count where it needs to in--My Time with God and my Time serving my family!!!

I'm just so glad God still loves me-one that fails and makes mistakes!!! And God loves you too!! No matter where you are in life or what you may have done. And that is so comforting to me... I'm excited to see where God takes me in this journey He has started me on.